Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The 2013 JFNA General Assembly
Monday, July 15, 2013
"Hate had the upper hand over love."
Living in Jerusalem, it is hard to think about the destruction of Jerusalem on Tisha B'Av or any other day. When I wake up in the morning and remember where I live and then look outside and simply see the other buildings on my street, I feel like I am looking at a miracle. Just now, after the reading of Eichah, I walked a mere fifteen minutes up the street to the Haas Promenade where one has a magnificent view of the Old City and around it the newer parts of Jerusalem. What destruction could I possibly imagine?
While I was there I read the קינות for tonight. The third קינה is about the type of mourning particular to Tisha B'Av (I am taking this from the Koren siddur for Tisha B'Av). It is based on the line in Masechet Sanhedrin that says "Whoever weeps at night - his voice is heard." In the third stanza are the words "גדולה השנאה מאת אשר אהבה", "Hate had the upper hand over love". The miracle of living in Jerusalem is seeing the city built one day at a time. However it is far from complete, and I'm not referring to the fact that there is no third Beit HaMikdash. These words from this kinah could be the headline of half the news stories lately. I might not be able to imagine destruction, but I can see very well what a couple thousand years ago got the Jewish People to the point of destruction.
It often seems easy to say who the bad guys are. In a lot of cases lately maybe it even is easy. On Tisha B'Av we mourn as a community and as individuals. We are individuals who represent our communities.
We believe that one day Tisha B'Av will switch from a day of mourning to one of celebration. One day love will have the upper hand over hate. How soon can we make that happen?
Erev Tisha B'Av Two Years Later: A Follow-up
http://beqx1.blogspot.co.il/2011_08_01_archive.html
It makes sense that I looked back on it last Tisha B'Av and again this year on Erev Tisha B'Av. Now I think it is time for a follow-up.
Gila and I have been asked numerous times why we decided to open our own gan. Basically for years we would joke about how there were things being done where we worked that we loved or hated, and one day we would make a gan that had all the things we loved and avoided all the things we hated. Then one day we thought we could pull it off, which was probably the most ridiculous and naive thought ever, but we did. We took our list of a hundred things and were determined to make them all happen. Then we found out that, big shocker, running a business isn't as easy as we thought. Okay, we never thought it was easy, but we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. So probably something like 75 of those 100 awesome ideas never happened. Some of them were inexcusable and some of them practically just couldn't pan out. But things can only get better, and we are grateful to the families who were basically our guinea pigs for the past two years and excited to start all over again next month with a new group. This time around we'll go for 50 out of 100.
Back to the point of this post, which is what I wrote about two years ago. Gila and I had a long list of ideas and goals, but one thing was at the very top of it, and that was focussing on emotional and social development. We wanted our kids to have the life skills they need to survive out there in the big crazy world. That sounds like a ridiculous thing to say about such little people. Think about it though. For most of them gan is the first place they are sharing their space, sharing their toys, and having peers influence their moods and emotions. Gan is where they learn to get along, learn about mistakes and consequences, and learn how to stand up for themselves.
The same thing happened in my gan these past few months that happened in my previous gan at the end of two years together. Everyone was just sick of each other. In gan they are sick of each other's shtick, feel that life is unfair, and there is a clear underlying stress about starting to realize that a big transition is coming really soon. No one likes change.
Now, while my gan kids were all dealing with each other for the past two years, I was dealing with their parents, which 99% of the time was a nothing but wonderful experience. In that post two years ago I wrote about how kids learn to push each other's buttons. They learn what really gets to each other. Well, the past two years I learned what really gets to me. It was NOT fun. I mean, I did not know I had that many buttons to push. But I was learning the same way the kids were learning. I had to suffer consequences for my actions, even when my actions were warranted and appropriate. I was allowed to be upset and angry, but I had to be careful not to take it out on anyone else. Recently we were talking about a kid who tended to dig himself into a deeper hole when already in trouble, for example he would keep yelling at a friend or grown-up even though he knew he was making his situation worse, and then talked about how that's the kind of bad habit that you never quite give up.
In gan we were very big on kids learning from consequences. Hitting is never okay, but when a kid is hit because they were being annoying, we point out that maybe they could have avoided this situation, and that we hope they learn for next time. And then if the same situation happens again we remind them of what happened last time. I never saw this in my old gan. It would always be straight to time out without any discussion of what happened, should have happened, and what can happen next time. Thinking back on the past two years, I realize how much I benefited from our approach as much as the kids did. Any time I would have an unfortunate encounter with a gan parent or anyone else I would come out of it with the attitude that I learned something and can only hope the other person learned something too. And if they didn't learn it from whatever happened with me, hopefully they would learn it from watching their kids, because I have to say: We did it.
Our kids say "I'm playing with that" instead of pushing. They say "I don't like that!" instead of pushing. When they are having a hard time calming down they often take themselves to another room to calm down. If we make them sit off to the side to take a break, they get up and say "I'm ready to calm down and be a good friend now." and most of the time they mean it, and they prove it to us too.
I don't know how we did it. How did we pull this off? Let alone everything else that has to do with the gan. How did we pull THIS off? I'm nine times their age and I still struggle with it, and it isn't because I wasn't taught it in gan. I know they will always struggle with it and we can only hope that they take these skills with them to their new schools next year and better yet - teach them to their new classmates.
I meant what I wrote two years ago that I learned a tremendous amount from the kids in my old gan. They learned life skills too, even if they had to do it the hard way and with less guidance from the grown-ups in gan. There is an obvious feeling of accomplishment for myself, Gila, and our staff. There is also the added benefit that I helped teach them these skills and they teach them right back to me.
I know they are going out into the big crazy world ready for anything, and they feel ready, but they have absolutely no idea how complicated life can get. Having their best friend knock down their block tower will be the least of it. This past year was not the easiest for me. Exhibit A: the entire month of February, and most of you only know the half of it. Lets just say it took a lot of "life skills" to get through it.
I'm so lucky that I get to go to gan every year, and not because I get to spend my days fingerpainting, playing with my food, and building with Legos. I get to have a refresher course every year on how to be a good person and a good friend. I also get reminded that sadness and anger are legitimate feelings. There was one day I didn't feel well and muttered "I feel crappy" under my breath. This kid with the best hearing ever asked me what crappy means. I told her that it meant I was having a bad day, that I know I will feel better eventually, and that maybe I should have chosen a different word. There are bad days and sad days and unfair days but we get over them and we learn from them. We learn from each other; we learn from our mistakes and each other's mistakes. And that's what's going to help make this world a better place.
I said this in the other post and I'll say it again: If the gan kids can do it, we can do it too.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
יגון ושמחה ביום אחד
When I was in Newton for Pesach my shul rabbi shared this article with us. The article describes a study in which it was shown that children who know their family stories are more resilient and better at coping with difficult situations. Having lost my two grandmothers in the past two years (almost exactly two years apart), I have thought about family stories a lot. My paternal grandmother was always telling stories. We would joke that she never hesitated to pull the skeletons out of the closet. I am grateful to my cousin who put together a short video of my grandmother telling some of these stories. I first watched it about a year after she passed away, and while it was a bit haunting to hear her voice again, I loved that not only did I have a record of these stories - I had a record in her voice, exactly how I always remembered them. Unfortunately at the end of the video she says that she will not tell the "skeleton in the closet" stories for prosperity because it wasn't fair to the descendants of those family members. Needless to say, her grandchildren were a bit disappointed. My maternal grandmother rarely spoke of the past, but little by little details came out, and while she wasn't quick to tell stories plenty of other miscellaneous relatives appeared over the years to do it for her. My mother also dug out some fantastic scrapbooks when my grandmother passed away. That's right, you're reading the words of the granddaughter of the nineteen-twenty-something area posture championship team captain. I know - you would have never guessed.
This article inspired what became the central theme of my Yom Haatzmaut lesson at gan. I bought a huge map of the world, hung it on the bulletin board, and put thumbtacks in all the places the gan kids' parents and grandparents came from. I also of course put in thumbtacks for the teachers, as all of us made aliyah on our own. And I put for Gila and Michelle's husbands because they practically work at the gan too. We had tacks in eight US states and a total of ten countries. My idea was to give each kid a story to tell. Maybe they didn't make aliyah, but their parents or grandparents did, and probably they came from very far away to live in Israel. Many of them have a sense of what it means to move away from a family. They know our (the teachers) parents live far away and we need to take airplanes to go see them. Many have grandparents they Skype with on a regular basis but only see in person a couple times a year. We taught them that their parents and grandparents moved to Israel because Israel is such a special place, and they wanted to come build new things and make it even better.
It's almost easy at this age. I can tell them that Israel is a perfect place. Yes, I had to carefully explain what made the siren on Memorial Day different than the siren they heard back in November, but for a three year old that was forever ago. When I talked about the fathers that go away for reserve duty, I just said that they were going to help keep us safe. They don't know enough to ask for details. And the siren on Memorial Day? They was to think about the people that got hurt keeping us safe. In a year or two they will figure out what I really meant by that, but I love that for now they don't have to. They stood beautifully during the siren. One kid was waving his flag and humming, but that's okay. It was still a quiet, reflective moment before we went inside for our Independence Day celebration. They went home with pretend teudat zehuts and art projects with their family's aliyah story written on them. They had something to get them excited about where they call home. And I could continue my month of being of super happy Zionist. I created a bunch of mini happy Zionists, and what better event to add to my own aliyah story that still feels like it is only just starting?
Yom Haatzmaut is the best day to be in Israel because for 24 hours you can just celebrate. You can forget about the terrorist attacks and fallen soldiers. We have Memorial Day for that, and in Israel we do Memorial Day right. We forget the corrupt politicians, confusing coalitions, and all the other ridiculousness that plagues this country every single day. We sing Hallel and then... just keep singing. למרות הכל (despite everything) Israel is one big miracle and lots of tiny miracles happening at the same time.
When I was in 12th grade and the attacks happened on September 11th, I realized that the world was a big scary place and living in Israel wasn't going to make it any scarier. The following year I was in Israel when a sniper was on the loose in the DC/Maryland area. A cab driver, upon hearing that I was headed to the University of Maryland, asked why I would go there - it's dangerous there! My senior year at Maryland a mentally disturbed man opened fire at Virginia Tech, just a couple hours away from UMD, and killed 32 people. I was reminded at how scary the world can be and at the same time felt that I could be scared anywhere, but in Israel I could contribute to something great. Then this past Monday happened. Monday afternoon I streamed the Boston Marathon online. I didn't leave for shul until I had at least seen who won the women's race. I came home from shul, ate dinner, checked the men's race winner, and left for town. Maybe ten or so minutes later two bombs blew up at the finish line. About an hour later I had several text messages from friends checking in on me and my family, and luckily another friend had called me right before to tell me what happened.
The tables turned. My mom emailed me to say she was okay. She spent the day biking around Cambridge, considered going over the bridge into Boston, but went home instead. My dad had to navigate through police detail later that evening to get to our house because there was an abandoned backpack around the corner. It's a new perspective that I never expected to have. I spent Yom Haatzmaut celebrating one home and mourning another. Someone hurt my neighbors, scared my friends, and no one has any idea who it was and why they did it. I appreciate the reports of people who have volunteered their time and opened their homes to help those affected by the bombings. But it's not telling me anything I never knew before. Boston is full of wonderful people. It's a fantastic place. I have experiences all the time that make me appreciate what a wonderful city I came from, both the city as a whole and the Boston Jewish community. The history of Israel inspires me to no end, but Boston is where my story started, my roots are there, and that is what's going to get me through these next few days.
Friday, March 1, 2013
My Grandma Rose
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Time Machine
We made the time machine because we had a big box we could fit inside of (again, it was the obvious thing to do) and because before the start of the year some things happened that would never happen - and I mean NEVER happen. Except that they did. And while we spent hours making lists in crayon of possible reasons these things did happen and other lists (also multicolor) about how we could fix the things that did happen (snowstorms, magic potions, decoys), we realized that something bigger had to be done. We simply had to go back in time and make some changes so that for real these things would NEVER happen.
Unfortunately, we never quite got our time machine to work. Perhaps it was because we didn't get the wiring right... or because there weren't any wires to begin with. I am convinced it was because we never got the sound effects right. We experimented with different variations, and had much fun doing it, but the "situation" stayed the same, our couch got desecrated (long story, but it was OUR couch), and we just had to wait it out.
At gan right now, thanks to Shufersal online (supermarket delivery), we have an oversupply of large boxes. They aren't as big as our time machine was, but maybe I could connect two or three to make something work. All I would need is some Yiddish newspapers or maybe some old Jerusalem Posts would do the trick just as well.
I am just as wise as I was my senior year. Or maybe I'm wiser. Though sometimes I actually think I was wiser then, but maybe life was just simpler. Actually life was much simpler. Cardboard box time machines are a thing of the imagination, though imaginations rock, so cardboard box time machines rock too.
I still think it would be nice to have one again. Isn't it a nice thought to pretend just for a moment that you can crawl into a box, tap a bunch of colored shapes made out of construction paper, make a series of beeping and whirling noises, and pretend for a moment that it's possible to get a do-over? To backtrack just a few minutes? To even just experiment with how something could have gone differently.... or been avoided entirely?
I still have plenty of crayons and markers around and big sheets of paper for list making, but snowstorms are a bit more of a stretch here in Israel than they were in Maryland, and I'm not so sure how relevant a solution it would be for recent dilemmas in my life. I might just have to stick with the "live and learn" mantra. Isn't that what grownups always told me though? And being a grownup is lame.
I think I'll just go ahead and build myself another time machine - for all the things that would never happen (but maybe did anyway), could have happened, should have (or shouldn't have) happened, or would have just been plain cool.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Winter update
I was going to start this post with a comment about how I just watched the first episode of Felicity again (because I am that bored) and make some jokes about my life, but then I remembered that my parents read my blog and... yeah... Hi Ema, Hi Abba, you can go back to today's issue of the Wall Street Journal now.
The last blog post I wrote was probably the hardest ever. Hard to really follow it up with something... anything really. A few days after the funeral I made the trip to Maale Adumim to see Miriam. She of course had no idea what had happened, just that her mother was away in America. It was fantastic seeing her. We had so much fun. It was a big relief (maybe for both of us) after all the sadness the week before. Then on the last day of Chanukah she came back to gan for the day. While she was there, friends of mine came by to sign their kid up for my gan. I made a comment about Miriam being our favorite gan kid ever. Apparently we're not supposed to say things like that. But... she just is. We really miss her! Let me tell you, some of our gan kids set really high standards for gan kids to come.
Speaking of gan kids to come... remember two years ago when Gila and I were begging on the streets looking for kids to join our gan? Well a few weeks after gan started this year some parents started contacting us asking about next year. Then a few more called. Then we told them all to wait because we didn't want to deal with it yet... and then more called. Right now we have 14 out of 16 spots filled. We never advertised. This was all word of mouth. I have yet to hear anything bad about my gan. We have a lot of people to thank for this. Our gan parents have been huge promoters and their kids are kind of poster children for the gan. You know- they're cute, they speak English well, some are bi-lingual, and they know how to say please and thank you. Apparently we did something right. I find that part particularly impressive considering in so many ways we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. I seriously tell people when they asked how we started the gan that we totally winged it. Maybe not totally, but there was and continues to be a lot of learning along the way.
Some other things that happened in the past few months: There was a war. As someone on facebook wrote, this country has rockets falling and life goes on as normal, but there's a threat of snow and the entire country shuts down. Of course life didn't totally go on as normal. Gila's husband was in the army all week waiting for word about whether or not the army was going into Gaza. One morning the father of one of our gan kids showed up after breakfast, gave his son a hug and kiss, and said he was going into the army. We taught the kids the prayer we say to keep soldiers safe and the prayer for the State of Israel. We also went over with them what to do if they heard a siren. The first siren sounded in Jerusalem came on a Friday after shabbat had started. One of our gan kids was home with her mother and said "I need to find a grownup!" to which her mother said "I'm a grownup!" and the kid said "Okay! Where are we going to stay safe?". It gave me an entirely new prospective on what it means to be an educator in this country. The second siren came during gan hours when all the kids (and Gila) were taking a nap. The street outside the gan was being destroyed and rebuilt so there was an incredible amount of noise. I was awake with one kid who heard the siren and said he heard an ambulance. A full thirty seconds later I realized that the siren was not one from an ambulance, and took him to another part of the gan. Residents of Jerusalem have about ninety seconds from the time the siren goes of to get to a safe place. How did people with less time (and far more frequent sirens) cope?
Like with other events like this in Israel, they quickly become the past. A ceasefire was declared. Our soldiers came home. Life returned to normal. There's just no other way to do things around here. Things still come up though where we'll think "Oh why didn't that happen?" or "weren't we supposed to go to...?" and we remember "Oh right, the war" as just another thing that happened in our lives. It's just something that happened to an entire country- a very, very small country.
In other news, hopefully in a couple weeks Gila and I will be going on a babymoon. This is something I insisted on, in anticipation of Gila becoming a mother in a few months. As the gan grows and as our ganenets' families' grow there will be all sorts of changes, and it will be good for us to take a step back and feel confident that the place will be in one piece when we get back. This essentially means that Gila and I will be sitting on comfy chairs by the pool, checking our phones constantly, and talking about how much we miss the kids in gan (you know, like all good parents do when they're on a date). And then we'll probably come back and think how ridiculous it is that we have nothing else to talk about, and that maybe when Gila's baby is born and she only wants to talk about her baby nonstop that it will be a nice change of pace (no Gila, I do not see you as the type to do that).
My niece turned 3 in November. She is fantastic. Just had to stick that in there somewhere. I could elaborate, but for now I'll stick with saying she is fantastic.
Good night from cold, rainy, and windy Jerusalem. So so so cold.
