B'Chol Dor Va'Dor

This evening as I sat through my family's second seder, I took advantage of an opportunity to read different commentaries on random parts of the haggadah without worrying about keeping up with the relatively fast pace of the seder. Tonight I was particularly interested in the end of magid when we recite that in every generation we must feel like we are the ones coming out of Egypt. This morning before musaf Rabbi Samuels connected this "dor va'dor" to the one in "vehi she'amdah" about in every generation there being an enemy that rises up against us. Sam (aka my brother) passed over his haggadah and pointed to a comment made about this paragraph at the end of magid in the haggadah "Halaylah Hazeh" which works in a lot of pop culture commentary and includes interested poems and stories connecting to the parts of the haggadah. I can't remember who this comment was from, but it said that part of considering ourselves as having come out of Egypt is also keeping in mind the destination of Bnei Yisrael when they left. I can only imagine how they felt on their way out. On one hand they had witnessed fantastic miracles, but on the other hand they were tired and weak and leaving a familiar life behind. Even with the promise of Israel in their future, I doubt it was easy to trudge out of Egypt. I have just spent three weeks experiencing everything I loved and still love about my life in America, whether it be the convenient shopping or the friends and family I have here. On Wednesday I am getting on a plane back to my new home in Israel. Even though I am well aware of the great life I am starting for myself in Israel, it is hard to leave my "Egypt" as it were. The comment in the haggadah, which was written for Israelis, goes on to say that just over a hundred years ago basically nobody had a parent who was born in Israel. In this generation Israel has a vibrant population and so many people have special stories about how they or their families got there. The writer encourages participants in the seder to share their stories of making aliyah. At my seder this comment was kept between me and my brother. There are too many complications with talking about aliyah in front of my grandmother who still isn't exactly thrilled with me and my brother living in Israel now. But this is what I think about this idea from "b'chol dor va'dor." For every generation thinking about leaving Egypt will be different. We all relate to the message of Pesach in a different way. Even more so for thinking about the destination of the Jewish people. Bnei Yisrael left Egypt hanging onto a promise. I live the actualization of that promise every day. It is something I see every day right in front of me. Yesterday my friend's mother asked me what I like about living in Israel. Quite honestly I had to stop and think. My life there isn't easy, and I can't say I have really achieved happiness there. But I do get great satisfaction from knowing that making aliyah was something I planned on doing for a really long time, and last summer I did it. There are now members of this generation of my family living in Israel. The "dor ha'ba" will have a story of their own to tell at their seder.

Back from College Park: where even the CVS guy was happy to see me

Within three weeks I have basically made a crazy effort to see everyone who's important to me in my life. I was excited to be at home with my parents and grandmother in Newton and be welcomed by everyone at shul. I couldn't believe how big Ben and Tess got. Ben and Tess live down the street. When I met them Ben was 3 and Tess was 1. My first babysitting job was for them on Ben's 4th birthday. Now Ben is taking drivers ed and preparing to get his Learner's Permit in a couple weeks. I am loving the New England weather and, to go with that, central heating. Though really my third floor room here is as freezing cold as it always was, but the rest of the house is nice and toasty.

And then came the fun part: my 2008 East Coast Tour. Usually my annual tour is a simple trip to Philadelphia to see my grandmother and Teaneck for shabbat to see my cousins. This year I had to fit in going to College Park too. The past week was without a doubt the most exciting part of my trip back to America. Last Sunday, just five days after I arrived in the US, I flew down to Philadelphia. When I told my grandmother how long I was there for she gave me a sour look and said "Fine, I'll take what I can get!" I give her a tremendous amount of credit. She is on the verge of falling apart physically but insists on living on her own in her own house. She has people who come in to help her but she is adamant that she do as much as she can on her own. There are sometimes disasterous results, but this is what's important to her. Going to Philadelphia is never the most exciting part of a vacation but there are always stories to be told (gotta love the skeletons she pulls out of the closet from my family!) and she spends a good five hours or so telling me everything that's wrong with me but ending with "I love you anyway."

And from Philadelphia I went to... MARYLAND! I was so excited the second I saw a sign out the train window for Elkton, MD, right near the Delaware border and even happier when I caught site of a Maryland flag on the side of a Coca Cola factory. From Union Station I went to Kemp Mill to visit the daughters of someone who currently teaches at UMD but got her masters at Brandeis so has known me since I was the age of her oldest girls. I babysat for them and came for shabbat a couple times while I was at UMD and they complained that I didn't visit enough, so I had to work them into my trip! From there I went to University Towers to see more friends (arf!), and then Rebecca #2 picked me up to bring me to Silver Spring to see yet more friends who conveniently live together. I got to see Alan AND Noam AND Margo who despite what Alan implied are ALL my friends. The following morning I got on a bus to College Park. I was jumping up and down in my seat the entire way there.

College Park is beautiful. I could smell the fresh grass the second I got off the bus. Okay, I know this is an insane comparison to make, but I was full emotion like I was when I got off the plane in Israel back in August. I felt like I was home. To continue with what I wrote in my last post, on Friday I went to DC to see the Cherry Blossoms. It was too bad all my friends were too deathly ill to join me (or had class) but I enjoyed walking around icky humid DC on my own. I also visited my dinosaur friends (ie the skeletons) at the museum of Natural History. For those of you who don't know, one of the best classes I took at UMD was Dinosaur Class. When I got back to College Park I went to the Book Exchange to get a fresh pair of sweatpants. Then checked out Rugged Warehouse because UMD was 20 degrees warmer than the weather I had packed for, and basically I didn't wind up wearing 75% of what I packed for the trip. Then I went to CVS and was thrilled to get Jason as my cashier. To explain, Jason is the best CVS employee in the entire world. I want to be best friends with him. In the thirty seconds it took me to check out he caught me up on his life and I caught him up on mine. Does anyone know his last name? He must be on facebook. Anyway, that's when you really know you're at home somewhere - when even the CVS guy is happy to see you.

It was a typical shabbat at UMD. Friday night we had a meal at Shira's. On facebook she classified it as a protest against me leaving and encouraged people to picket. Stu made the best (and only) sign calling for me to get out of Israel. I can't wait to hang it on my wall in Israel and have lots of people see it and get the wrong idea. For shacharit the following morning, while you'd think that after almost a year I could sit through shacharit at Hillel, I didn't even bother davenning there at all. I just went for the end to see people... and it was so great seeing people. Shabbat lunch was at Chabad so I could catch up with all of them. My friend Doni was also in from Israel and in College Park for shabbat. He's in the army so I never ever see him. He said it's crazy we both had to go 6000 miles to see each other. It was good having him there... nice reminder of where we've both gone with our lives. Shabbat afternoon I did the unthinkable and went back to Hillel for mincha (not that I went in) and seudat shlishit so I could see more people. Even though there are like billions of freshmen at Hillel now I am happy to report that the community is still holding together. It was good to be back. Since I clearly wasn't going to stick around for havdalah, I left early to go have some quiet time on the mall. I can't believe I spent four years on that campus and that my time there was really all over. I was remembering when I sat out there during my orientation trip and thought about what had brought me there. But that aside ("ha'mevin yavin") it was a special few minutes. It had finally cooled down and campus looked fabulous as always.

When I'm in Israel I probably tell my few friends there how much I miss my many friends back in College Park way too often. I realize that I was very lucky and got in with a great group of friends really quickly. Even so, I was saying a week or so ago that even a total loner has friends in college at this point in the year, even if it's just one or two people they can reliably hang out with at night or on the weekends. When I left Hillel Saturday evening really feeling happy about the great people I met and became friends with in college I saw a kid standing by the walkway of Hillel facing the fence on the side and basically staring at his feet. Okay, maybe not everyone finds their niche. It totally broke my heart. I wished he had at least been pacing up and down the path so I could have said hi. Sigh.

Saturday night me, Shira, Dan, Stu (I miss listing all of us together) and Minnesota Sara (who is just as important) went out on the mall to blow bubbles. By now this is a scripted ritual. We start on the steps of the Administration Building, Shira and Sara stop to waltz by the fountain, following by sprawling out on the sundial and then ending up by Testudo in front of the library. And this time Shira and Sara stopped to make out behind a tree, but what else is new? So glad nothing has changed. Just like old times and all that. Glad everyone got at least slightly healthier to go out Saturday night. That night was really what I visited for.

So with a few more pats on Testudo's nose than usual I got ready to leave College Park. I still feel such a connection to that place and know that even long after all my friends have graduated it will still be important for me to come back there. It's crazy that I chose to go to UMD for such a silly reason and it wound up being one of the best decisions of my life. When I accepted admission to the school I had barely seen the campus and knew little about the programs there. Now I have been taught by some incredible professors, especially in the History department, lived in a crazy college town, spent every day walking along perfectly trimmed grass into tall brick buildings with white pillars, and I have friends I can't imagine living without. They even picketed against me leaving!ends I can't imagine living without. They even picketed against me leaving!

Sunday morning I stagged out of bed (or rather rolled off the air mattress) bright and early to leave for Teaneck. I'm glad I left visiting my cousins for the end of the trip after College Park or else I don't know if I would have ever left. My little cousins (Aharon, Adina, and Eitan) were well aware that they had less than 24 hours with me and milked every second of it. Eitan and Adina whisked Spotty and Peter off to feed them (cottage cheese as always) and Aharon showed me the report he was doing on the computer using Google images. 9 year olds are smart these days. Aharon got so tall I'm not even sure I can call him a little cousin anymore. I love watching them grow. They are so cool. I could say a zillion things about how cute they are. Monday morning. #1 on that list is waking up Monday morning to Eitan opening my door to crawl into bed with me... with Spotty, who slept in Eitan's bed for the night (Peter slept with Adina). Being adored is wonderful.


I was exhausted when I got back to Newton yesterday, and today I was out playing with my cousin Devorah all afternoon. What a trooper! She hasn't been feeling well for awhile and just spent a few days in the hospital because she was so anemic. Today, thanks to a healthy blood transfusion, she spent over an hour bouncing around at the park. She commented that she had to wait a long time to see me, and it was only two weeks since I last saw her. So cute.

Tomorrow I have two more playdates. Sam and Michal are coming in from Israel. I'm spending Thursday with my mom. My sister is coming in Thursday night. I haven't seen her since my college graduation. My time here is flying by, and as I said, it's extremely intense seeing everyone in three weeks and knowing I won't see them again for awhile. Thankfully my next trip back is only four and not seven months away. My cousins were a little more forgiving about letting me go this time. I can't even think about going back to Israel right now. I'm glad I'm going back, but I just don't want to think about it. Being here is too special.

Hi from College Park

This morning I took a bus from Silver Spring (yay Moishe House) to College Park. As the bus neared campus I was literally jumping up and down in my seat. Finally I got off the bus and looked around at the beautiful brick buildings and smelled the well tended grass and aaahh... I was home.

Everything is bringing back memories. Like that time I got smacked with a wet towel when I came as a prospective. Or when Shira got pregnant. Well, that happens all the time. Or sitting with Raphi on the mall splashing our feet in the water. Later Shira and I will read over the lists we made on mural paper with crayons and markers in lots of different colors. Too bad that blizzard never came. Would have been useful. But it was still fun turning on the shower and leaving the door open so the people banging on my door would think I couldn't open it. Oh well. Oh college. It was so weird walking around campus without there being a place I needed to be. I can't believe I went to a school this magnificent. It is seriously the most gorgeous place I can imagine living aside from, I don't know, a house perched over a flowery valley in the Golan. And I had buffalo chicken for lunch. So good. Except I had to pay for it myself because I didn't know any meal plan people to bully. Actually going into Hillel was less traumatic than I expected it to be.

Now I'm full of Buffalo Chicken, Ben Yehuda's pizza, and a 7-11 slurpee. I've been reunited with my nearest and dearest. I had some enlightening intellectual conversations with a few professors... or at least an amusing one with Dr. Manekin. Even sitting on the soft lush grass of the UMD Mall was so enjoyable. I am SO HAPPY to be here. More crazy college memories to follow. Like when Shira and I got tipsy and tried to disassemble my hard drive. And trick-or-treating at our downstairs neighbor's apartment. And that time this guy from my class was standing in the hallway of my dorm with his pants around his ankles. Good times.

I'm at the airport...

This might somehow be the least stressful trans-Atlantic trip I've ever taken. I packed less than I would bring for most trips from College Park to Newton. A good chunk of my bag is taken up by my large duffle which I expect to fill with new clothes or other stuff from Newton. It is also basically impossible to forget anything. I know that where I'm going I have extra clothes for all sorts of weather so I didn't have to agonize over what exactly to pack. Basically I have enough to hold me over until I go to Old Navy. Also unlike my ten previous trips to Israel, everyone I said bye to I will see again in under a month. Maybe that sort of stress is being saved for the way back.

I had a great last few days in Israel. My dad was here for shabbat in between business trips in Paris. A couple hours ago I got to quickly say bye to him as he lined up for his flight back to France. He'll be arriving back in Boston right after I leave for Philadelphia, so I actually won't see him for most of my trip. Because this trip involved easy packing and no real last minute shopping, I really got to enjoy myself. I saw friends all around Jerusalem, played with Harriet the Spy, and bonded with my roommates. Our new special handshake is unforgettable. It just can't be described.

I don't know what to expect from this trip. It's another step in my aliyah process and figuring out what my life here is really like. I look forward to seeing my mom and grandmother tonight, getting hugged by lots of people at shul on shabbat, and then visiting my other grandmother in Philadelphia on Sunday. After Philadelphia I will be traveling to College Park - the highlight of my trip - to visit the awesome friends I have there. Then I'll be making a quick trip to Teaneck to see my little cousins who aren't so glad that I'm not longer a four hour drive away. Then I'll be returning to Boston for another week at home and the first few days of Pesach. I'm sure the time will fly by. But as I said in my last post, I think the coolest part of this trip will be returning home to Jerusalem in three weeks.

Things to smile about

Purim Meshulash is the best kind of "three day yom tov" out there. First of all, it's more like five days of Purim. The only day for schools and ganim to have Purim activities is on Wednesday, the day before Ta'anit Esther. There is no school on Fridays, can't have big events on the fast day, so that leaves us with Wednesday. On Wednesday every single kid in Jerusalem was in costume. There were princesses and Spider-men everywhere. My ulpan is on the same street as two elementary schools. I was so tempted to sneak into the school instead of continuing down the street to class. On the way home I saw a crowd of little kid animals coming out of gan. Ezeh kef! So much fun. To top it all of Jerusalem got incredibly warm over the past few days, reaching temperatures of over 90 degrees. What a treat to see all of Jerusalem outside celebrating together. Purim is a holiday for everyone.

Usually Purim is a hectic and exhausting holiday. This year was so different. On Thursday night and Friday morning we (as in those in Jerusalem) had Megillah reading, and on Friday we had to give matanot l'evyonim. Usually the night of Purim is really stressful. I'm coming off a fast day and all I can think about is preparing mishloach manot for the next day. This year I could take it easy. On Friday I went with my brothers to his in-laws in Neve Daniel for their seudah (which, being outside of Jerusalem, they had on Friday). When I got home I had plenty of time to bake another fifty or so hamantashen. It was day one of wearing my cape. On shabbat I could just take it easy... and enjoy the insane heat. I attended a v'nahafochu upside down meal Friday night during which I was served a brownie "hamburger" with strawberry "tomatoes" and whipped cream "mayo" as my second course (with a second dessert later on). On shabbat the parks were flooded with families enjoying the sunshine. Motzei shabbat I took it easy and packaged my mishloach manot bundles. No rushing out to megillah or refueling on sugar after a fast day. On Sunday I could sleep a little late, and then once again I put on my cape and set off to make deliveries. Couldn't wear my entire costume-- wasn't exactly designed for 90 degree heat. After some special deliveries I dashed to seudah #1 of the day, then to the shuk to buy stuff for my seudah (the place was almost empty!) and then back home to prepare. So many people were out in the street in costume. Our seudah was lots of fun though we learned the important lesson that if you have an end of the day seudah, everyone will come with full stomachs from the other five seudahs they were already at. Oh well. Leftover pasta anyone?

On Friday my sister-in-law's sister-in-law (does that make sense?) commented on the mishloach manot prepared by the Midreshet Moriah girls as a fundraiser for Sderot saying that every year the yeshiva students come up with some issue to invest in, whether it be rebuilding the North or this year supporting the citizens of Sderot. I thought back to my year in Israel, when on the evening following Purim day my roommate burst into my room frantically telling me that the war was starting. The US had bombed Iraq, and I had to report to the Midrasha building to receive my gas mask. I've always thought about the irony of that day-- how we traded in our masks of Purim for a mask of war. That night some girls were quiet and calm, others were hysterically crying, and then there was a small group sitting on the floor in a circle having a kumsitz and using their gas mask boxes as drums.

This month started with a huge blow to the morale of the people here. Eight young men were murdered while learning Torah. No one could fathom how we would be able to celebrate Purim just two weeks later. I'm not so sure all the family members of the eight victims were singing and dancing over the holiday, and despite the many brave souls who ventured down to Sderot to run Purim carnivals and parties I doubt anyone there could completely put aside their fear to celebrate for one day. Five years ago I wasn't sure how we were all going to get through the stress and anxiety about learning how to put on gas masks, inject ourselves with atropine, and seal a room. But then I went into the hall and saw the girls having the kumsitz. Somehow we do it. Even if it's by doing something as small and silly as attaching butterfly wings to our cat.

L'Yehudim hayitah ORA V'SIMCHAH V'SASSON VA'YIKAR...
Kein tihiyeh lanu.

And to my friends and family missing me in the US- I'll see you very soon. In one week I will be back in Newton followed by a trip to Philadelphia, College Park, and Teaneck. I am excited to temporarily leave my home here to visit my home in the US, though I'm having to say that I am finally realizing how special it will be on April 24th when I come back to Jerusalem from the airport and collapse into my own bed in my home here.

"Eich naflu giborim?"

Yohai Livshitz, 18, from Jerusalem;

Yonatan Yitzhak Eldar, 16, from Shilo

Yonadav Haim Hirschfeld, 19, from Kohav Hashahar

Neria Cohen, 15, from Jerusalem

Segev Peniel Avihail, 15, from Neve Daniel

Avraham David Moses, 16, from Efrat

Roee Roth, 18, from Elkana

Doron Meherete, 26, from Ashdod

T'hiyeh zichram baruch.

What it feels like to be Israeli

Nearly two hours ago Alissa called to ask if I had heard that a shooting had happened somewhere. I checked the news- nothing. I heard sirens in the distance, but I live around several main streets. There are always sirens. She called back about twenty minutes later to tell me that there had been a pigua, a terrorist attack on a yeshiva near town. I looked again on jpost.com and still nothing. Two minutes later I checked again and there it was. Three gunmen had entered the Mercaz HaRav yeshiva in Kiryat Moshe and opened fire. Six people have been confirmed dead and many more were wounded.

Since I arrived on aliyah, Sderot has been the hot topic of conversation. We spend hours discussing the danger civilians there face and what we can do to support them emotionally and financially. Jerusalem has been somewhat of a safehaven. The safety precautions that were enforced upon me five years ago are a distant memory. When I was here five years ago there were multiple suicide bombers on buses and shootings in the Gush. A week before I left a former NCSY advisor of mine was injured in a pigua on the 14 bus. I remember walking by the site a few days later and seeing a beat-up piece of cardboard with a pasuk from Eichah etched on it: The enemy has once again entered the gates of Jerusalem.

Tonight is Rosh Chodesh Adar. We are supposed to be "marbim b'simcha" and I feel numb. Mercaz HaRav is two minutes away from where I stayed for each of my past five visits to Israel, but now it feels more like my neighborhood than it ever did before, even if it is an hour walk from where I live now. The victims of this attack will have rushed funerals Erev Shabbat. I don't think any of their families will manage to be "marbim b'simcha" on Rosh Chodesh Adar ever again.

This news still isn't even an hour old. If I heard this in America I think by now I would be back to whatever it was I was doing. Here I have ten minutes more of a TV show episode and I'm not sure if and when I will watch it. I know that Jerusalem will feel like a different place when I go out tomorrow. Everyone will be feeling what happened tonight.

Every Israeli feels it, which now includes me.