"A friend in every port"

This phrase was said to me repeatedly throughout my trip to the US and the couple of weeks following it. It clearly started with my mom but has extended to siblings, friends, and even parents of friends. Okay, it's true, to some extent. I visited five major cities on my trip and had friends to see everywhere I went. In LA I had the luxury of leisurely meals to catch up and in Maryland it was a crazy series of 5-30 minute blocks of time... and I treasured every minute of them.

So I said to my brother, it's interesting that our grandmother keeps asking me whether our sister is making friends in her new home in DC when she never once expressed the same interest about my life in Israel. "You have a friend in every port. They never worry." Right. My sister is just as industrious as I am in situations like this. Before her move she contacted everyone she knew in DC, including good friends or nice people she met once and figured she'd wind up becoming better friends with upon arrival in DC. Or maybe they would know the kind of people she could be friends with. Whichever. While it's tough to start out anywhere, I am not about to worry. Besides, she gets to hang out with all of my best friends from college-- can't be that bad :-). (Hey, if I have to hang out with 30-year-olds she should have to hang out with 24-year-olds. It's only fair.)

I've written a lot about the challenge of making new friends and holding onto old friends. And I say that I feel a little guilty saying to a new friend in Israel who asks if I had fun in the US, "Well sure, I have so many friends there." "And what's it like being back?" Um, yeah.

It bothers me that I'm not as hopelessly optimistic as I used to be. And it's really too bad that so few people here realize that change. I returned to Israel thinking that okay, I was going to be alone in the apartment for three weeks so that already can't be fun, a lot of people are away, and in general it's going to be tough reconnecting with people. I didn't used to worry about such "trivial" things.

This past week has been so much fun. Not necessarily the hours spent filling garbage bags with clutter and unrecognizable food remains from the fridge. And thanks to a terribly anxious and upset cat I haven't had a good night's sleep since I returned. But besides that... There's been smoothie making, a lunchtime visit, a bar outing, catch playing, shabbat and yom tov meals, movie watching, and getting kicked out of a playground by the cops. There was also a quick playdate with Ben Zion who, though he hasn't seen me in awhile, had his face glued to his third floor window facing Keren HaYesod waiting for me to arrive. He had tears in his eyes when it was time for me to leave. Strangely most of those events (not the playdate) happened after 10pm. But all the better. I would spend a day moping around the apartment getting things done, be all ready to try to fall asleep, and suddenly I'd be wandering down Emek Refaim.

"You mean... you realize you have friends?" half-taunted a friend who just left my apartment. Well, YEAH. But I knew that. It's just the happy feeling that amidst my roommate-less loneliness and anxiety leading up to a grad school program that due to another strike might not start on time, I'm having a good time.

Am I happy? To be continued at the next 1am playground outing. Don't you hate when other people might be right? You just want to kick them. Or hug them. Whatever.

Except when they aren't right. Is there really a formula for why someone is your friend and how someone remains your friend? Can I scientifically look at the friends I made in the past twenty four years and figure out how and why in another twenty four years I'll be as close to them as I am now? It's not like I keep their business cards in my wallet. They aren't even all on facebook.

My whirlwind trips around the US are like a rollercoaster. It's a thrill ride. Every moment is exciting. I never know who I'll run into or what incredible conversation I'll have. The wild twists and turns can also be scary and gut wrenching. It's tough saying goodbye, and realizing that I have absolutely no idea when I'll see the person next. But rollercoasters are still fun. You keep going and going until it makes you sick. It's just a wonderful kind of sick. Does that metaphor work? I love the running around, even when it makes me sad. And will I go back to College Park after all my friends have graduated? For sure! Do you have any idea how soft the grass on the mall is? I could sit there all day.

I have this conversation all the time with people here about friendships. And I've realized that everyone had a different past when it comes to friends. Not everyone has a friend who lived down the street who they played with every single shabbat afternoon their entire life and after being away for six months can within seconds renew the same friendship. Not everyone has groups of friends who came over multiple times a week in college for movie nights, or piled into a living room for the newest episode of the OC. The basis of a friendship has nothing to do with how long it's going to last. Things happen. And it happens differently for each person.

So time to ditch that conversation and look ahead when I find myself in a park at 1am... whether it be with a new friend here in Israel or an old one at a park in the US. I'll happily enjoy the moment wherever it is. And it's all about what's going to make me happy...